To be a Healer
I am a Registered Nurse. I am a Clinical Herbalist. I am both. Duality exists.
I have been a Registered Nurse for over ten years. I have worked in seven different hospitals in five different states. I have worked in an urgent care at Harvard University and at an acute rehab on Cape Cod. I have seen birth and death, witnessing last breaths and firsts. I have worked with patients over the age of one hundred and some precious ones only a few hours old. I love being with each patient, learning their joys and hardships, and being a trusted person caring, advocating, and supporting them.
I'd be lying if I said that each day is pure bliss. Being a nurse, at the bedside, in a hospital, is immensely different from what my eighteen year-old self imagined as I entered college. To be truthful, I am not even sure what I imagined, aside from changing lives and having a rewarding career. I must say I likely have changed lives and being a nurse is indeed rewarding. Yet, over the years nursing wears on you, so maybe you change hospitals, change your role, but the entire idea of 'nursing' can be deeply, emotionally, purely exhausting.
To add to that emotional and physical exhaustion of caring for another human, I began to study herbalism. I have in time developed a loving, rich relationship with plants. This VASTLY contrasts what I witness and do while at work in a hospital, in America. It can be maddening, frustrating, and disheartening.
Why are people on so many medications?
Why don't people take care of themselves?
Why is such awful food served in a hospital?
Why are we not a holistic healing model?
Why are we abusing opioids?
Why are we over-prescribing antibiotics?
Why is mental health falling to the wayside, when its of the utmost importance?
Why so much waste?
How on earth could this system be sustainable?
The questions are endless. And cross my mind very frequently on a twelve hour shift. Questions and frustrations that sit in my soul and at times have questioned my career as a nurse. Ideas of moving on to solely herbalism, how I would make that work, or could I do something else altogether and would I be happier?
And then one day I was interviewing a fellow herbalist for a final project on herbs for opioid addiction and withdrawal in my Advanced Herblist Course with Maria Groves. I was discusing my frustration within our current healthcare system as a nurse and my current thoughts of potentially leaving nursing altogether. This wonderful herbalist said exactly what I needed to hear, and something I now often say to myself when doubt creeps in (which it often does).
She said, “We need people like you in the healthcare system.”
This was immensely important for me to hear.
She was, and is, right. We need people in the middle. We know that our country is becoming more and more divided. We are having difficulty even understanding the 'other side's' logic. We are struggling as a country to have difficult conversations, to compromise, and reach a consensus. This inabilty to meet in the middle is inhibiting our growth.
Likewise, I have witnessed the polarity between Western “advanced” medicine and “Alternative” medicine. I firmly believe there can be an inbetween. In fact, I think there must. While I see the need for certain medication regimens, complicated surgeries, and life-saving medicine, I honor the wellness that plants and other modalities have to offer. This has inspired me to continue to work as a Registered Nurse in the hospital, while turning to the plants outside of my 'job'. I will ask patients, if appropriate, their ideas of wellness and what they do on a daily basis to keep well. I enjoy having thoughtful conversations about the current healthcare system and imaginging models that would improve the difficult place we have arrived at. I have also worked to change the food we serve to patients, to no avail, because a rich, wholesome diet is crucial to keeping people well.
Lastly, I have decided to go back to school for my Masters degree to become a Family Nurse Practitioner. I think that advancing my degree in Nursing will only further my ability to support patients’ in maintaining their health. I think our perspective as herbalists, as healers, is one that continues to be trusted and listened to. I have high hopes of who I can be in caring for others, and know that the nurse AND herbalist I already am brings a lot to the table.
And on days when I am burnt out, when I am tired, when I am having doubts, I sit with my friends, the plants. I find solace and gratitude in their grace. I am, and will continue to, work as a bridge, to heal and advocate for humans and plants alike.